Saturday, 4 September 2010

No Expectations

22 August – 1 September 2010
I want to be philosophical while writing this but when I say this I am expecting something about myself and as I get drifted with the process I might not be what I expected me to be. I wanted to write something but I could not because I just kept on postponing it as I felt that there was nothing happening worthwhile. Writing on a blog also starts with a purpose and then one gets addicted to fulfil the purpose. The thing, that is meant to be. Sometimes I felt "am I bound by that purpose but then it occurred to me that I am the one who decides on the purpose." Then more introspection leads to the thought, "Am I the slave of I?" or "is it something different which drives me along". No I don't want to say that it is "God" because I am not religious person but I don't want to be atheist as well because I have not came to the realisation that the thing the people call as God does not exist.
It all started after returning from long trip to Accra and Kumasi when very few things worth mentioning in the blog happened and I started to feel bored with life in Bongo. It started to feel like my usual life in India as I attended some village meetings, prepared reports and they all started to look same to me. Not anything different than the ones which I was doing in India. Then I was invited to attend one marriage on Saturday and I was excited not because I was going to attend a local ceremony but because it was going to be something different than what I was used to in India and it was something worthwhile to write on the blog.
After attending the marriage I was disappointed to a great extent. The thing which they were calling as marriage later turned out to be an engagement. It was conducted in a rented hall. The catholic priest told that it was going to be traditional ceremony but there were some prayers and blessings etc. The only thing traditional was the ritual where bride was given by her family to the groom's family and grooms family then gave the bride to the groom. It was holding of hands of bride and moving her from one person to the other. Food was good and they served wine and drinks.
Actually there was nothing to get disappointed about this whole event but I was because I expected something. I expected that it will be a very traditional northern Ghanaian affair with lot of dancing, lot of people and traditional African religious rituals. I was expecting it to be something on the basis of a mental picture which I had drawn and in turn which was based on my vague thoughts about African people and not real knowledge. There were very few people, the ceremony was conducted with Christian customs, and there was not much of dancing because bride did not like it. Still everybody was happy about it and I was disappointed to some extent. My disappointment got developed because I expected it to be something which it was not.
While I was getting disappointed I had failed to understand that day that when the way they celebrated it was completely new to me. I failed to appreciate the things as they were. I realise now that many times expectations about reality not the actual reality dominates our thoughts. Is that the cause of suffering? A new philosophical question for sure!